1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father : A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Amaresh Shanker
Rotary Scholar ( USA), MA LLB ( OSU )
Expert on International Education
© AMARESH SHANKER 2005
Student Checklist:
1.Valid Passport
2. Evidence of acceptance at a UK educational establishment
3. Course Level: Undergraduate / Masters / Ph.D
4. Evidence of any English Language skills i.e.: IELTS etc
5. Class Xth results: Mark sheet & Pass Certificate
6. Class XIIth results: Mark sheet & Pass Certificate
7. Bachelor’s: Mark sheet & Pass Certificate
8. Master’s: Mark sheet & Pass Certificate
9. Any other educational qualification
10. Evidence of ability to meet costs i.e.: Bank Statements, Fixed Deposits, Bank Loans etc.:
11. Attested copies of all financial documents i.e. Fixed deposits etc along with the
originals : Attestation can be done by: Chartered Accountant / Notary Public / Bank Official 12. Income Tax (IT) Return copies (last three years) of sponsors / Parents
13. Evaluation Report of properties
14. Evaluation report of Jewellaries from a Jeweler
15. Evidence of arrangement of Accommodation in UK
16. Name of the University from where the student has been offered a place 17. Application Fees : Rs. 6800 /- (as on Sept. 2005) and Rs.441/- in cash for
VFS (visa Facilitation Service). Email: vfsuk.east@visa-services.com Phone Number: + 33 22178877
18. Chartered Accountant’s Statement, with seal and membership number of the CA
19. Photographs: Four-- most recent one.
Further Information, contact:Visa Facilitation Services
Om Towers, 14th floor
32 J.L. Nehru Road
Opp. Park Street Metro Station
Opening hours: 0900 - 1700 Mon-Friday
Apr-Jun VFS remains open from 9-1 pm on Saturdays.
VFS helpline number is + 33 22178877
Trained staff will accept your application, explain the latest visa rules and offer advice where necessary. All applications will then be immediately forwarded to the British Deputy High Commission in Kolkata
Fees are payable on application, for each applicant, including children, and are non-refundable.
Visa fees should be paid by bank draft (available at the Visa Application Centres). They should be made in favour of:
BRITISH DEPUTY HIGH COMMISSION - KOLKATA
(if applying in Eastern India) BRITISH HIGH COMMISSION (if applying in Northern India)
An additional handling charge of Rs 441 per application will be levied by VFS.
One May also Contact:
Ms Roma Sinha
Operations Manager, Kolkata,
VFS (I) Pvt. Ltd.
VFS (India) Pvt. Ltd.
4TH Floor , OM Towers .32 Chowringhee Road. Kolkata 700 071
Phone:+91 33 22178877; Fax: +91-33 22178876
"Roma Sinha" : romas@visa-services.com Cell: + 91 9831618236
Further Information, contact:
Head Office:
Amaresh Shanker Director
Rotary Scholar ( USA ) & Representative
Target Counselling Services ( Member, AAERI )
611, Jagat Trade Center (6th Floor),
Fraser Road, Patna 800001 Bihar
India
Phone : + 91 612 2223162 / 2204294
Fax : + 91 612 2686373
Cell # + 91 9835089209
E-mail: amareshs@hotmail.com
amareshs@yahoo.com
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (Ink won't flow down to the writing surface).
In order to solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.
And what did the Russians do...??? The Russians used a Pencil!!!
Moral of the story:
Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem :-) Learn to focus on solutions not on problems.
Amaresh Shanker
Rotary Scholar ( USA), MA LLB ( OSU )
Expert on International Education
© AMARESH SHANKER 2005
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